Dealing with anger

I was reading an old newspaper and it was about the writer's support for punk rock and what punk rock means. An opposition party had mooted that Avril Lavigne be banned from coming to Malaysia because she represents 'undesirable elements'. The writer wrote about what punk rock is about - rebellion, going against convention, catharctic anger and quotes the now defunct, Rage Against the Machine, etc. 

Well, OK - the point I'm trying to make is that, despite the fact that I respect everyone's taste in music, I personally abhor rock / punk / metal, etc. I abhor anything that reeks of rebellion. 

My friend Shane and I had a disagreement because I said I didn't like people wearing any form of headgear which was not cultural or functional by nature. And especially not wearing caps the other side round. I feel the same way about baggy, dirty jeans and sneakers, dark t-shirts with skulls and profanities on them. He says I'm like the 'fucking teachers and authorities' in his life that tell him what to do and what not to do. (And he was in the navy.) WHOAAaaaaaaaa.

That sounds like so many other angst-ridden people I have met. And how do all these people deal with anger? Using profanities, breaking things, cursing the government or this and that party, stay out late, race the streets, try some drugs, drown themselves in alcohol, etc???

I must confess that I have been given to one or more combinations of the above methods of anger expression at one time or another in my youth, but for brief, intermittent, periods. Largely due to unmindful influences I was surrounded by. But each time I engaged in an activity like that, even uttering profanities, i felt extreme shame.  I would later tell myself, "The day you are a grown person, is the day you can feel ashamed of all these negative behaviour. You cannot really say you are a good person and feel proud of yourself if you cannot control negative behaviour such as being late, being easily agitated, saying profanities, being ungrateful, insensitive, etc"

Don't I feel angry? Yes, I do. And I've even experienced many episodes of blind rage and I can get pretty physical. But I see the damaging effects of anger and rage. And I make a commitment to feel ashamed of myself for acting out anger. 

I deal with anger by watching it rise in me. I try to notice that I'm getting angry, and I remind myself that anger is a blind force which can steal control from me in an instant. It can escalate and cause consciousness of actions and words without warning and leave a lot of pain and hurt once it has burned itself out. 

I take my inspiration from Gandhi. When I come across issues that make me angry, I use the energy to fuel a quest for knowledge and insight into that situation. I don't provoke my own anger or the anger of others. Just the other night, my aunt provokes me again but I just said, "If that is what is good for you and your happiness, I wish you the best." I observed my own role in provoking her anger towards me, I try and understand why a certain thing triggers her off.....I watch the wave as it rises, observe the cause of it,  and watch it pass. 

I try and do that with everything that makes me angry ; being late, losing my ticket, policies that stiffle me, my family, raising a child, traffic, parking spaces, society at large. I know that I am given to quick tempers and I apply an approach where I observe the onset of my anger, remind myself how damaging it can be to me and those around me when it escalates, how it will trigger yet another wave of actions and thoughts with negative repercussions ....and that I'd better just let it dissipate in time by immediately cutting off the need to fuel the rising feeling. 

I cut myself from actions and symbolisms of rebellion and anger. I don't think we need to remind ourselves to be angry. We should channel all that energy to keep ourselves informed and then pick our battles. I was so angry with my entire education that I thought nothing better than to be a teacher so I can do something about it for other people going through the same frustrations. I gather knowledge of how to do it differently and then empower others and myself towards that. 20 years after I first getting really frustrated with schooling, I am still compiling knowledge which I know, one day, I will use as a weapon to light the way of right understanding, to remove the darkness that frustrated me. 

And of course I'm angry about corruption, etc etc. That is why I do not give bribes and do not take the easy way out of anything. Of course I am angry about bureaucracy in a school, and so I came out to freelance. Of course I'm angry about child sexual abuse that is why I'm starting to think about the causes of those symptoms. (which i will write about more one day). Of course I'm angry about being poor, angry that others are poorer than me. So I use all that anger to go learn how to be rich, I use all that anger about employers who suck to go freelance and perhaps, find a platform that will entice employers to be more ethical, etc. 

Solutions don't come in a straightforward way. But instead of consuming loud music, ugly posters and dress unashamedly, we could focus all that anger in productive ways. Thus, I think punk and all that are negative influences. We could do better with all that youthful energy, able bodies, intelligent minds and outspoken characters.