And what if we become Taliban?

All forms of Tyranny is rooted in Fear and Anger. All forms of Goodness is rooted in Love and Clarity. Tyranny is energy unleashed upon the rest of the population who is also not awakened. We have suffered enough throughout history to not want to be mass-controlled again by tyranny. 

For a tyrant to kill one Awakened Soul is a lot more difficult for them than to kill unawakened, fearful, followers. Imagine if he had to behead 1,000 fearful peasants as compared to 1,000 highly enlightened spiritual leaders or say, even one, like Jesus the Christ or Prophet Muhammad, p.b.u.h. The burden of taking away the lives of the second group is significantly greater. The burden is so great that the energy of Love released by these killings may inspire the awakenings of the masses. And that will eventually end Tyranny. 

For Love and its energy is so great, and Empowerment is so filled with Light and Goodness that it will always fill up Darkness. 

A room is not Dark because it is dark. A room is dark because of an absence of Light. And even one small candle can be seen in a pitch dark godown - and that is the light upon others, a light upon where all those who see only darkness will turn towards, and that is the light which can lead them out of the darkness. 

Being a moral police?

Some people think that our ulamaks should not try and be our moral police. That each of us are accountable for our own morality. I agree, that we are accountable for our morality. But, I would also like to point to the fact that the degree of a person's ability to educate themselves to be accountable and to be moral depends almost exclusively on the programming they have been receiving. Each of us are a catalyst to another. For a person with programming Set A, saying profanities is rooted in a different motivation from another with programming Set B. So, even if Set A person will not go on to develop other harmful or negative behaviour or associate with harmful and negative peers, Set B may not necessarily follow same. 

Thus, I think there are things which require an authority to set a precedent. If everyone were to go about policing themselves, they would not be promoting good or higher values because that would be considered, 'judging others'. So, we leave everyone to judge for themselves, which I think is the same thing as leaving kindergarteners to their own devices. 

You may think you are not a kindergartener. Just like a  kindergartener thinks they don't need an adult telling them all the time what to be and how to behave. If you are truly enlightened, you will see there is a need for a higher, stronger, authority to set precedent. Without rules, there is no civilisation. 

People are worried that once these ulamaks start on their crusade of telling us what to do or what not to do, they would go all the way and bring us back to the dark ages. But are we not bringing ourselves back to the dark ages too with the decline in our ability to steer using the path of good? Like i mentioned in my previous blog, there is no absolute evil, only a lack of Rightful Understanding of Goodness. 

I am confident the ulamaks cannot bring us back to the Dark Ages. Because tyrannic ulamaks will be answerable to God. And God will give His people the power to overthrow tyrants. People are worried it would be too late and we should prevent that. But I am saying that is the worst case scenario. Of course we are all now more enlightened, that we would be able to draw the line when the ulamaks cross them. But we should not get so paranoid about authority trying to impose some moral rule upon us. Without rules there is no civilisation. 

Yes, we are all accountable for our own morality. But the rest of the world we are connected to, is also responsible for the programming that we would have obtained which helps us shape this morality we are so proud to defend. The rest of the world needs some yardstick to adhere to, and that is why we do need Moral Policing of a certain degree. 

All of us are only one step away from doing Evil

A lot of us may think that we're not the worst person on earth and almost all of us criticise acts of cruelty like child abuse, rape, murder, robbery, thuggery. A lot of us think we're standing on a moral high ground. But I've come to a conclusion that each and every one of us are only one motivation away from those acts that we think are despicable. 

I've talked about how we're all creatures of programming. The influences and models we had shape our thoughts, thus action. The people we call 'criminals' are products of the mass illussions we partake in which created a mass reality that set the stage for the programming of these 'criminals'. Their actions are symptoms. And when their actions affect us, of course we are hurt, but we are part of that soil which germinated this 'evil'.

Perhaps, there is not really 'evil' but only an absence of goodness. A lack of goodness makes one evil. Even a person who is vile is not completely evil. He became vile as a symptom of lacking the opportunity to be good. If given a choice, everyone wants to aim for Light, for Goodness, for Love. Even if they say it in spite and anger that they don't want to be good, I believe we are all rooted in good. But it is the programming and motivation provided that makes us do 'evil'. 

A person robs because they grew up in an environment that put so much emphasis on money as a form of worth. They came from a circumstance that put the pressure without providing the tools to achieve such success and self-worth. As for acts of child sexual abuse which we consider extremely heinous, the perpetrators were encouraged by a societal illussion that objectifies females and creates fantasies about females, including that it is about 'purity' and 'chastity' and 'youthfulness'. At the same time, females are creating a different reality by having jobs, confidence, etc which creates a conflict for the simple man who cannot obtain 'pure', 'chaste', 'youthful' women. So he goes for children, before they 'grow up' and become 'inaccessible'.  Then all this porn that is accessible, feeds images of brutality as sexuality and programmes the mind as such. From then on, their future unmindful thoughts and actions will be motivated by these programmings, and they will obtain their arousal from such thoughts and images and be motivated to act on them. 

A person takes bribes again because society idolises materialism. A person gives bribes because society does not enforce efficiency and accountability. A person rapes because they feel disempowered, unworthy, undignified and were given impressions that rape is about taking control, power and dignity away from another. 

A person snatches a purse because they don't know how to obtain a fulfilling, honest living. If they kill someone in the process of it, it is a symptom of the programming they received, where they would have been killed in order for someone else to achieve their material purpose. 

I think I am quite moral. I say I would not murder. But it really depends on the motivation. And how something can motivate me depends largely upon my collective consciousness of Truths. If, for instance, I have already achieved the detachment and clairvoyance of Buddha, I would allow my own offspring to be murdered in order for me not to do great harm to the world which the perpetrator holds me at ransom for. For if I were Buddha, I'd know that death is not the end. And I would know that my offspring in this lifetime, I can meet again. 

I say I would not break any regulations. But if my livelihood depends on it and bureaucracy is making it almost impossible to earn a living, I would break a regulation. My ability to do wrong or evil is a composite result of how far my programming allows me to do something. When a person murders, it is not necessarily so that they wake up in the morning rejoicing over the possibility of murdering someone. But based on what their motivation is to kill (which, again motivation is based on programming) they would. And there's also another series of correlations between guilt and negative behaviour which has to do with the degree of programming. 

State of Flux

"Look around you, you're living in a 'reality' that is a collective of everyone else' illussions. And this, we call reality, and this we entrap ourselves in. Every single thought from every single person counts in shaping this reality. Thus, every single thought from every single person counts in CHANGING this reality. 

You must not underestimate the importance of being in control of yourself, your emotions, your behaviour....for all of this prepares the platform for you to develop rightful understanding, rightful thoughts and knowledge. And this will be your guide and weapon to use You to change the world. 

We live in a world of illussions, a world made up of the collective thoughts and actions of every individual. And because these thoughts and actions are mostly uncontrolled and unconscious, they create an unpredictable state of flux. When you change your thoughts, you change your reality; thus you will start to affect the thoughts (and reality) of others...and when this new chain of thoughts reaches critical mass, it becomes the New Reality.

You see, when people try to affect change externally from themselves, without first arriving at the understanding of how their own participation shaped this reality, again they are projecting another illussion onto the world. 

But when you are more, rather than less, in control of  yourself, you are generating a first hand energy onto this mass illussion and that has significantly greater effect, utilizing significantly less physical energy, for it utilises a deeper source of energy to generate thoughts that are convincing, empowering, almost magical.

And you will know the difference between an illussion that brings you closer to or further away from The Truth. The illussions (for they all are, without complete knowledge) that bring you closer fill you consistently with more energy, light, happiness, love, generosity, clarity, while the illussions that bring you further away will be consistently filled with conflict, difficulties, confusion, dread,stress and a draining of energy."

Dealing with anger

I was reading an old newspaper and it was about the writer's support for punk rock and what punk rock means. An opposition party had mooted that Avril Lavigne be banned from coming to Malaysia because she represents 'undesirable elements'. The writer wrote about what punk rock is about - rebellion, going against convention, catharctic anger and quotes the now defunct, Rage Against the Machine, etc. 

Well, OK - the point I'm trying to make is that, despite the fact that I respect everyone's taste in music, I personally abhor rock / punk / metal, etc. I abhor anything that reeks of rebellion. 

My friend Shane and I had a disagreement because I said I didn't like people wearing any form of headgear which was not cultural or functional by nature. And especially not wearing caps the other side round. I feel the same way about baggy, dirty jeans and sneakers, dark t-shirts with skulls and profanities on them. He says I'm like the 'fucking teachers and authorities' in his life that tell him what to do and what not to do. (And he was in the navy.) WHOAAaaaaaaaa.

That sounds like so many other angst-ridden people I have met. And how do all these people deal with anger? Using profanities, breaking things, cursing the government or this and that party, stay out late, race the streets, try some drugs, drown themselves in alcohol, etc???

I must confess that I have been given to one or more combinations of the above methods of anger expression at one time or another in my youth, but for brief, intermittent, periods. Largely due to unmindful influences I was surrounded by. But each time I engaged in an activity like that, even uttering profanities, i felt extreme shame.  I would later tell myself, "The day you are a grown person, is the day you can feel ashamed of all these negative behaviour. You cannot really say you are a good person and feel proud of yourself if you cannot control negative behaviour such as being late, being easily agitated, saying profanities, being ungrateful, insensitive, etc"

Don't I feel angry? Yes, I do. And I've even experienced many episodes of blind rage and I can get pretty physical. But I see the damaging effects of anger and rage. And I make a commitment to feel ashamed of myself for acting out anger. 

I deal with anger by watching it rise in me. I try to notice that I'm getting angry, and I remind myself that anger is a blind force which can steal control from me in an instant. It can escalate and cause consciousness of actions and words without warning and leave a lot of pain and hurt once it has burned itself out. 

I take my inspiration from Gandhi. When I come across issues that make me angry, I use the energy to fuel a quest for knowledge and insight into that situation. I don't provoke my own anger or the anger of others. Just the other night, my aunt provokes me again but I just said, "If that is what is good for you and your happiness, I wish you the best." I observed my own role in provoking her anger towards me, I try and understand why a certain thing triggers her off.....I watch the wave as it rises, observe the cause of it,  and watch it pass. 

I try and do that with everything that makes me angry ; being late, losing my ticket, policies that stiffle me, my family, raising a child, traffic, parking spaces, society at large. I know that I am given to quick tempers and I apply an approach where I observe the onset of my anger, remind myself how damaging it can be to me and those around me when it escalates, how it will trigger yet another wave of actions and thoughts with negative repercussions ....and that I'd better just let it dissipate in time by immediately cutting off the need to fuel the rising feeling. 

I cut myself from actions and symbolisms of rebellion and anger. I don't think we need to remind ourselves to be angry. We should channel all that energy to keep ourselves informed and then pick our battles. I was so angry with my entire education that I thought nothing better than to be a teacher so I can do something about it for other people going through the same frustrations. I gather knowledge of how to do it differently and then empower others and myself towards that. 20 years after I first getting really frustrated with schooling, I am still compiling knowledge which I know, one day, I will use as a weapon to light the way of right understanding, to remove the darkness that frustrated me. 

And of course I'm angry about corruption, etc etc. That is why I do not give bribes and do not take the easy way out of anything. Of course I am angry about bureaucracy in a school, and so I came out to freelance. Of course I'm angry about child sexual abuse that is why I'm starting to think about the causes of those symptoms. (which i will write about more one day). Of course I'm angry about being poor, angry that others are poorer than me. So I use all that anger to go learn how to be rich, I use all that anger about employers who suck to go freelance and perhaps, find a platform that will entice employers to be more ethical, etc. 

Solutions don't come in a straightforward way. But instead of consuming loud music, ugly posters and dress unashamedly, we could focus all that anger in productive ways. Thus, I think punk and all that are negative influences. We could do better with all that youthful energy, able bodies, intelligent minds and outspoken characters. 

What a Wonderful World

I have been trying to play "What a wonderful World" by ear and I finally got it! (At least, I think I did.) And I think the positive feel of that song went deep into my subconscious......

I had this dream last night - where I was a very happy, confident, secure person. A person who could make anything I desired come true using only the goodness of my intentions and the superior wisdom that I came to possess!

I walked into a cafe/restaurant at lunchtime, so full of people. Some couples, some families, some tourists, some working people. I was looking for a table but it was all so full. It has a split level inside, including alfresco dining outside. It looked like one of those New York restaurants, with white linen tablecloths, white/yellow fresh flowers on the table, wine glasses with plain water, waiters in their black uniforms and bowtie with a long white apron. The weather was sunny and clear. 

I found myself half floating half walking, looking for a seat, because Thea and perhaps another person that was dear to me, was going to join me here for lunch...and suddenly, like Matt Parkman, I seemed to have the ability to hear inside everyone's heads! I sensed some people's troubles and doubts, so as I moved along each of them, I waved my finger in the air and blessed them with different messages of love, happiness, joy, courage, wisdom.......for them to gain the ability to overcome to what troubled them most. 

Yes, you could say that I was like Jesus! Except I wasn't in robes....I was just a regular person bursting with a great white-yellow energy, the same color scheme the restaurant was, and I emanated healing (though, I'm sure temporary) blessings to them. (Being the same color scheme as my surrounding, nobody noticed the 'emanation'.)

Writing about this reminds me of a few other dreams I've had in the past where I was glowing or dressed in white and the color scheme was made up of hues of buttery or light yellow with a lot of bright white. One was where I was dressed like going to Umrah or Hajj, and I stood in the middle of a white, glistening desert. The sun was ablaze but I felt no heat. I walked and walked but I did not move, and suddenly I saw a glistening white house of worship. As I approached, I heard quiet singing or chanting,  and when I looked in, there were people welcoming me, as if they had been waiting for me. The strange thing was, I told this to my Hindu colleague (Suseela) while we were out on field assignment one day, and she said she'd not wanted to tell me before, but she had a dream of me dressed that way too. :)

Those dreams seem to tell me that I have been asked to be a healer of pain and hurts. Right now I don't know how that is possible. Part of me is still caught in my Ego-defined world, so it's not really that easy to imagine I can really be a healer. 

I seem to have two types of lucid dreams. One where I am completely radiant and awash in white light with cream yellow shades - and another where I keep trying to run away from a war or run away from an approaching tidal wave. The latter dreams are filled with dark fire or gray, dirty water trying to swallow and destroy everything, people being killed because they couldn't hear or see the approaching danger.  (The Dec 2004 tsunami depressed me for awhile because I felt like I brought this upon the world by dreaming of it and the devastation it caused. I have been having dreams like those since I was a teenager....they are intermittent, but each time those episodes resume, it was as if no time had passed in my real life.) The people in my dreams could never seem to hear me shout at them to run because it is their first time in my dream compared to my experience where I'm just in it like a replayed video. 

I'm listening to my own playing of What a Wonderful World and I could do that all night but it's time to get back to someone who truly loves me and misses me badly!

The difference being in my 20s and 30s

I let my cats out and only one came back tonight. Speaking of letting the cat out, I'm going to be 32 this year. I remember turning 30...that particular milestone of a 'westernized' person's life. (I suppose in some african tribe, that milestone would've been 13 or 18 or something.) I was in Port Dickson with Farhana...contemplating our lives as now officially, "30-something" women. We stayed in this really nice double-storey apartment facing the sea, and I was half-scared and half surrendered to the fact. I've never been 30 before, I told myself. Which was a very silly thing to say because I've  never been any age until after I've spent an entire year being that age. Then, like now, I have no love interest nor sky-rocketing career. 

Age is just a number, really. But it's fun scaring ourselves with physical markers of life. Now that I'm completely over the shock that I'm over 3 decades old (and alive, I survived being 30) I have learned to appreciate what age brings with it. I know this is probably not true for a lot of people. They just get older and more of all their bad habits fossilizing.

In my 20s, I was reeling from the 'programming' of my childhood and adolescent experiences. Did I mention to you one of my central philosophies these days - "That we are all, essentially, products of our programming." What I mean by that is, there is no such thing as "Who am I?".

I suspected something like that was true because I remember being 24 and in the middle of a really painful relationship, and I heard a voice say, "Separate You from your Ego-Self." I was walking to my car, every ounce of my body filled with emotional pain, having to drag myself, one foot in front of another so I don't run out into traffic in a suicidal attempt - and I heard that voice telling me (not in words, though) that I am NOT the sum of the things happening to me up til that point in life. That I have the capacity to be a very loving, creative, nurturing, strong and decisive being that can protect and inspire others. 

I created an ID that night, to try and make sense of that message. My ID was called "Defeating my Ego." I didn't know who or what my Ego was and how I was going to defeat it. When I closed my eyes to see whether I could see this "Ego" thing, I saw a big grey and black shadow, like irregular rings of dark, energy, pushing me in from all directions. It was a big, shapeless, phantom-like thing. It filled me with fear because it was blocking clarity, understanding, love and joy from me, thus creating doubt, fear, insecurities, delusions and anger.

But I was sure the answers were going to come to me - in how to recognize which is me and which is this Ego thing. I just needed to put the message out there for myself, by giving it an avatar in this world. So I made that Yahoo ID! Fast-forward to the present, of course my Ego still exists but it's not a big looming thing, it's a regular sideshow that I have tamed. 

Anyway, my 20s were a little more than a complicated, protracted, drama of my childhood and adolescent years. Crippling and painful insecurities, hurts and drama. Except for the part where I did the most sensible thing ever and listened to myself for once and went and had a child, my 20s were nothing more than a complicated web spun from all the causes of pain and insecurity of childhood and adolescence - protracted adolescence or arrested development all at once, if you must. 

I lived a constant theme of pain and insecurity and all the other negative things that are a result of that theme; anger, resentment, jealousy, bitterness, possessiveness, self-hurt, selfishness. (OK, I really wasn't that bad.) But my 30s marked a liberation of all that was me. It marked the completion of my rebirth. Since the day I heard the voice telling me to separate my Ego from me, I have been going through what really feels like a birthing process. The beginning of that stage was very acute and painful. There were days where I was paralysed by my own pain and could not get out of bed. That was also a good period for my weight - I lost close to 20kg which was good for my looks though :D.

Anyway, I knew I had to relocate and find my 'centre' if I was to survive that dark period. 

By my late 20s, my new life was beginning to 'show'. And by 30, I have been reborn. I think I died somewhere between 23 and 27. Like, a real spiritual death. And that has been the greatest thing about being 30 - to know that I am empowered, that I am not a sum of the things that happened to me as a child and adolescent and young adult, that I am not a sum of the mistakes I made. I am not the sum of the programming I digested. 

My 30s also showed me what confidence and peace within oneself feels like. I am not a constant vessel of Zen, of course. But at least I've tasted constant and consistent experiences of confidence and peace.  Age also shows me that if we do not decide on a daily basis what sort of person or life we want for ourselves, and to be consistent in wanting those, we will end up a sum of all our bad habits and regrets.

To be a woman and to feel completely happy and liberated as a woman, to feel confident as a person and a mother, to feel a great sense of security about oneself, to like oneself - that is such a good feeling. To have many moments where you feel like you're exactly where you should be at that exact time. To have a sense that you can accept and like yourself, including the mistakes you make and the things you're ignorant of. To forgive yourself as a second nature. To greatly reduce feelings of misplaced guilt, to be free from a perpetual sense of depressiveness and sorrow. 

I would've never have dared to imagine, prior to being 30, being able to be a person who feels so happy inside, even when there is not always joy, fun and laughter in my life.

Even if my life amounted to nothing else, I Lived!

Sometimes, the thought of what we can achieve with our life on Earth is pretty paralysing. There are so many wrongs to right and so many battles to fight. There are demons inside us and circumstances surrounding us. The perfect time and place to do the perfect thing doesn't seem to ever arrive. 

Whether or not I've devised this particular way to live or I am simply 'like this' by 'nature', I am not sure. But I've simply chosen to live in such a way that when i die, the very act of how I've lived my life becomes an inspiration by itself. I might not have published some great literature or have my name written in history nor won the nobel prize for anything nor achieved great feats at the Olympics, or got assassinated because of some cause I was fighting for or led a nation or did anything particularly extraordinary by design.

I realize that I have no say over other people's lives, which also makes it true that, given the point that one is a free person, others don't have a say over mine too. I believe, to truly live, is to possess an ability to somewhat challenge the status quo or take some risks in life. And if we're going to take risks, we might as well take those which does not involve harming oneself or others considerably. I find it rather strange that there are people who are afraid of risking their 'job' but go around keeping a second partner or are otherwise promiscuous with their life. I find it strange that people are willing to wager on random numbers but not wager on their own ability to acquire knowledge and produce more value. 

I think, if we all look very closely, everyone around is an inspiration of sorts. It's just whether they're a bit or very inspiring. I'd like my life to be particularly inspiring. I think it's really not easy to arrive at a sum of our life that becomes inspiring to others. The trick is in not making it seem hard at all - that is what truly inspires. To not be bitter, broken and jaded by the lot we were given. But to be sweet, kind, generous, honest, joyful, healing and happy after all those years. 

If my life were to amount to nothing else, at least it should amount to a life that has made others feel loved, uplifted, inspired. I think my new friend, Rio, is an epitome of that. I hope all the joy and love she has brought to other beings will fruition into a great karmic explosion of good health, wealth and happiness for her when she returns to Germany soon. 

What you say reflects the state of mind you are in.....when I encourage others, I'm essentially encouraging myself!

Remember that the only difference between the results we see in this world and in our head is whether or not we took action upon it ! It's like, the difference between what you see on your computer and the flyer you distribute is whether you print it out! 

And here are my philosophies which brings me where I am with all this.

(1) The problem with the world is, the stupid are cocksure while the intellligent are full of self-doubt. ~ Bertrand Russell

Sloane says : Have you ever wondered why good people always second guess their abilities while idiots race for the nominations to head anything? And have you thought about why the most ethical and honest people lose heart while the unsrupulous businessman sleeps well at night? Have you ever thought about how the fact that it is against the law, it is morally wrong, it could take another's life, it is difficult to penetrate (the bank vault!) and it is illegal to own firearms doesn't stop the bank robber from planning an armed robbery? (and carrying it out, of course) It's not easy, it requires planning, intelligence and effort - and yet organized crime and criminals beat the rest of us like we're pinatas when it comes to it.

But those are the same things which stops the average nice guy from trying - they think about all the ways it cannot be done and then get defeated by that. It doesn't stop the Osamas and the MILF of this world though. 

So, it is not ambition or money or power that corrupts. It is whether or not one has rightful understanding of oneself and the situation and rightful action.

(2) There is a reason for our madness.

Recently, my daughter asked me to read "Alice in Wonderland", which I thought was an extremely childish story, but which taught me that the world really needs Mad Hatters like us. We could not possibly be this way just to kick ourselves into an overdrive of enthusiasm and ideals and running on empty. 

(3) Get rich (or whatever we desire) or die trying. 

Well, if a gangster can say that, I suppose mad-hatters can also say we're going to at least die-trying. 

(4) It's time the good guys push back. Martin Luther King and Gandijhi did it!

(5) Stupid people don't think well ahead before taking action and yet their actions leave a mark on the world - look at the mess we're in. Suppose that thinking people get off their armchairs and take action - the consequences of even a failure to achieve ideals would leave a positive mark on the world.

(6) The Bad Guys always win because they don't suffer from Analysis Paralysis.They're not idealists - they aim for the minimum they're going to get out of it and they usually succeed with maximum results, because the rest of us are still there planning and troubleshooting for an ideal and egalitarian world, leaving us perpetually, like a Deff Leppard song, 2 steps behind.

I just woke up one day and realized my body is getting older but my ideals and philosophies are nowhere near fleshed-out yet. They say the pen is mighty - but in this age of cyber clutter and information overload, I could blog my fingers to bloody stubs and yet it's not going to achieve as much as face-to-face interaction and garnering physical action momentum in the real world. 

Hey, Perez....I'm scared as hell too when it comes to really putting ourselves out there to affect change - but to quote Curtis Jackson albeit a different context - we could at least die trying. Death is the only guarantee in life. We could at least go out with a bang...or a puff of smoke, rather than fade into oblivion once our Alzheimer's sets in. I'm sure there's more we can do for this world than to just eat, shit and die and consume the tons of consumer crap and advertising corporations dish out to us. 

And since I'm into quoting black singers, the late Aaliyah sings, "If at first you don't succeed, just dust yourself off and try again."

-- 
Everything on this planet has a purpose for its existence - no doubt each of us has ours too.

Let us be more afraid of cursing and being cynical than we are of having faith and encouraging others.

The next blog is an excerpt (actually, almost the entire email) of a conversation which reflects the state of mind that's been haunting me in recent weeks. I do not claim that I have succeeded in what I believe and have an "I told you so" authority about the things I have been writing about recently.However, it seems that when we're angry or spiteful or merely find it is our habit to pour cold water on other people's beliefs, we hardly have trouble. At best, we are silent observers even when we realize we appreciate the fact that someone else is doing something we're too cynical to do ourselves. (I suppose that is why signing an online petition and forwarding it or giving money is so much easier for people to do - because those actions are impersonal and 'blind'.

Making a personal commitment to support someone's worthy struggle, even if that person is not your sister/brother, uncle/aunt, friend or neighbour, is that much harder. We tend to hold back instead of encouraging others and support each other's momentum to achieve certain ideals in life. I don't know why we find it 'malufying' (embarassing) to just go up to someone and say, "Hey, I  believe in you!"

Wait,.....actually, I do know why. It's our upbringing. We're always made to be weary of strangers and sugarcoated words. Oh, but we're all grown ups here. Growing up means we've added to our experiences in life to know how to pick our friends and stay away from our enemies.  

The maddening pace at which I have been writing is drawing to a close.  My wrists and fingers deserve a hiatus from writing.....my writing voice needs to go into hibernation. 

The following link brings you to an article which reflected pretty accurately the thoughts I have been having since inflation hit SEA. (There are so many themes and thoughts at any one time in my mind, really.) I was rather affected, emotionally, when I read about how inflation hits the lowest economic brackets first and hardest. 

Here's Perez' writing which I commented on : http://magnificent.wordpress.com/2008/03/15/money-for-food/#comments

Going at it alone

When people start to make connections, things start to happen. 

A couple of years ago, I bought one of the best bargains you could get - a calendar of quotes compiled by Lucille Dass, the grand dame of English Language Teaching. It's on my piano and my daughter flips it over everyday to reveal the quote of the day. One of my favourites from Lucille is 'When People Make Connections, Things Start to Happen'.

I believe she had meant it in a wider context than just a mere exercise in network marketing. Something in my subconscious went 'click' when she uttered those words during a speech - and from that moment onwards she became to me, the physical representation of the theme in James Redfield's books. She became an icon of trusting intuition, daring to take risks in trusting people and making intelligent associations from our observations of the world.

I was doing some googling on the background of what initiatives Penang has taken in the last decade since Pulau Pinang magazine ceased to be and since the death of IN-Penang magazine. (Glossy pages, nice) and I came across her again, this time with a bunch of people who are putting together a community project called "Little Penang". Ahh, there I saw some familiar names people have been associating me with which I will not reproduce here because I definitely do not know them personally.

Well, the point I was trying to make was that.....the more I was googling about the 'circles' in Penang, the more I realized I am completely unassociated, first hand, with anyone, and that brought a strange, liberating feeling to me. Am I harbouring some kind of resentment towards everything symbolic of Penang that I impose solitary confinement upon myself? Or is this self-imposed isolation a necessity for me to avoid the clutter that could make me deaf to my own purpose and distract from my self-paced trajectory?

My brother calls me "anti-social" and I admit that I have not done the most basic forms of social networking since I got back to Penang : I don't hang out at posh places on weekends, I don't fraternize mamaks in the P.Tikus and upwards area, I don't do the Tari Cafe thing, I don't go to bazaars, attend concerts and gallery openings nor do the public use of wi-fi thing. Not even the most basic thing as joining the newly renovated Chinese Swimming Club. I don't sign up for Toastmasters or PELTA or MELTA for that matter. I am not a member of any mosque, church (Catholic or Christian), temple (Hindu or Buddhist), meditation centre nor a volunteer at any hospice, hospital, clinic, orphanage, disabled people's centres, etc.

I am an enigma to myself in how I am capable of being all of me and yet being such a well-kept secret.  It got me thinking about how my thoughts have induced actions which isolate or cocoon myself from Penang's circle. Penang is supposed to be a place where everyone knows everyone else. It put a big smile on my face which cracked into a really big chuckle in the middle of driving down the Jelutong Expressway. I felt almost like The Joker, except, I'm not a psychotic killer.

I completely identified with The Joker on the part where he needs to work alone. Of course I don't have some diabolical plan to rob Penang banks or stage another multimillion dollar cargo heist. (Not that I staged the first one.) It's just that I'm experiencing a great sense of freedom in not needing to associate with anyone, anything or any organization for the sake of identity, or in order feel a profound sense of identity about who I am.

There is a great sense of liberation to be able to go to some activity loosely termed as 'work' and not have to watch the clock, and just focus on the task at hand, taking as much time as I need to do what is a meaningful task to me, be it something as uneventful as scooping clumped litter out of the cat's tray or explaining something as profound as how Anita Roddick has proven with her life as a witness, that businesses can be ethical.

There are several visions I have in my mind since returning to Penang and one and a half visions have come to fruition. And I have done it all through the indirect support of people I got to know along the way, not from people I sought out to associate with. I have managed to achieve a great semblance of the sanity I craved as a younger person. But is it at the price of being 'anti-social'? Should I have spent time and energy fostering associations and fraternizing to 'make connections so things can start to  happen?'

My brother can label me names the way he has been since he could speak. And he can go out every night (when he comes back to Penang) and talk on the phone all the time and distract himself speed-sms-ing and flicking channels from a remote. But I think I understand why I have chosen this path for myself. 

- Because I don't need a fraternity, I can be a lot more independent in what I choose to think and say about life. I do not need to owe anyone any favours by being politically correct. I don't need to feel a contradiction between who I am and who people want to see me as. And it gives me a wider berth to say and do things because I am not implicating anyone simply by association. 

It is not only important to me to choose my buddies carefully, but to also choose my affiliations, clubs and associations. Perhaps it is an unreadiness on my part to compromise so I can 'fit-in'. I've been doing fine spinning along with the world on my own-axis. It did not stop me from making connections about life. I have the Big-Guy up there and I'm in His Command and I think that's really enough for me. I really hate the idea of having to conform or be directed by a majority thinking. I really love the freedom of being able to pick and choose what I want to agree or disagree with and discriminate openly based on my preferences, without hurting anyone else because they are associated with me. 

It doesn't mean I haven't made some really fabulous acquaintances. Re-wind 10 years and I would never have thought I would make the acquaintance of such grounded, spiritual, intelligent, eloquent, unpretentious, honest people. People who are not conditioned by the need for societal acceptance because they are quite complete individuals, even if they complain they're not doing enough. These are people who don't cancel on you, respect your time and make proper appointments with you, show up on time, keep it straight and don't feel a need to talk or laugh or comment for the sake of talking, etc

I've found myself collapsing in quite a lot of zen-like moments in the past few months. Actually, it wasn't me who found myself. It was the people I've been talking to that's been saying,"Whoa wait...!! I want to write this down!" or "Whohey! Where did you get that from?" and the most recent (albeit not face to face), "Dude, you make a lot of sense."

I don't know how all this started happening...................I attribute it to the risk I took removing myself from as many attachments and distractions as possible, coming back to Penang, focussing on the little things and "Finding my Centre". It has been (one of) the single most significant periods of my life - to be able to trust myself and know what happiness really is. (Ahh, yes, I had another zen moment this morning about how I realized I am finally a very happy person and I wanted to share the journey to Happiness from an angst-ridden, protracted adolescent to Now.)

More Money, More Spiritual Life

This blog is a follow-up of 'No Money, No Spiritual Life'.

If money is nothing more than an avatar of life-energy value which facilitates convenient bartering, wouldn't I be able to do more for the world if I had more of this value, if by default I am a highly inspiring, loving, generous and creative person?

It was a knock behind my head when T.Harv Ecker commented about how creative people and activists make justifications for not going out there and making more money; they say other things like creativity, culture, the environment, is more important than just making money. He quotes an example, "What about saving the environment and the rainforests?" I laughed out loud when T.Harv replied, "Well, make tons of money and buy the entire damn rainforest!!!".

It wouldn't have made such a big significance if not for the fact that I know my dead idol, River Phoenix, rose, like his name foretells, from ashes into someone who could buy nature for his family and an entire rainforest to preserve before his untimely death - Exit, poof. (That's how all these candles in the wind seem to go.) But the life River Phoenix had led prior to his death, a life of complete freedom, frugality, creativity and purpose was not his excuse to NOT go ahead and make tons of money so he could do more good for the world.

How many times have we heard about community projects and fabulous ideas that couldn't take flight or couldn't impact enough of people's lives because of a lack of funding? How many productive hours by passionate and creative people, end up being spent going around raising funds when it could've been spent generating more valuable ideas and reaching out to more people hands-on. No money, no spiritual life.

The identity and survival of Penang (or anywhere else with a similar scenario, for that matter) as a heritage, cultural, creative centre depends upon the money-making abilities of the business-minded people. I grew up with enough bad press about the evils of corporations and entrepreneurs who rape, plunder and destroy earth for their mansions and luxury cars. Enough to know that 'corporations, and their never-ceasing bottom-line chant' are not people I will invest my life energy towards.

But then I see Anita Roddick. And then I see T.Harv Ecker. And then I start seeing thousands and thousands of others like them who are holding this world together, forming a barricade against the onslaught of mindless and senseless capitalism. These are people who have used a neutral system to their advantage. It's not the system, it's the people behind them. While the creative, spiritual, righteous, intellectual, professional, ethical ones are sitting in the pasture like lambs holding a tea-party to console each other about the dangers outside these white picket fences, the hungry capitalists lurk just outside, ready to unleash a series of actions that will make this world inhospitable at best, uninhabitable in the end.

So I suppose, if our ultimate aim is to have great spiritual life, then we must push back. With the energy of love, ethics and purpose, we must push the barrier back so that in the end our type of existence becomes the Circle, and not we, the encircled. Capitalism can work our way. Anita Roddick has showed us how. We can choose to live more, or live less, with more or with less money, that's for sure. But in the end, we gotta admit that we can DO more with money than we can do without money. When we live, we live our own life, and we rest in our own grave. When we do, we impact the lives of others, for better or for worse. I say let the good people Do instead of being done to.

No Money, No Spiritual Life

The following is my regurgitation of some of the principles that have washed over me like an avalance in the Alps. The ideas are taken from Mindfulness and Money : The Buddhism Path to Abundance by Kulanda Houlder.

If we were to spend the majority of our days tilling land and other things to 'make a living', it doesn't leave us much energy and time to actually live. I think I read something like this in a recent Reader's Digest : (quoting from memory)  "We work for the money we need to buy the clothes we need to go towork, to pay for the car we need to get to work, to feed a family we hardly spend time with because we have to be away at work and to pay for a house we hardly live in because we're working."

With a Beach Boy's tune in my head, I'm humming, "Wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to work ?"

My perfect existence would be to live like the Amish - till the land for what we need and focus single-mindedly on The One Above. No, not really - only the part where they don't have to stress out because they're torn in so many different ways by the clutter of 'civilisation' - which is the state we're in  because we all are after (or behind) making money. 

However, there's one pin to burst that bubble. While the rest of Capitalism is taking over the world, even my little Amish community wouldn't be safe from its evil reach.

Well then, it brings me to my poing about the beauty of this grand collective illussion we all subscribe to, called "Money". The beauty of this grand illussion is that it frees us from actually having to do everything ourselves. Having to do everything ourselves or go hungry isn't the most ideal way to live even if the Amish seem to have struck that balance - doing everything yet remaining grounded in their spirituality.

I give up my Amish life fantasy because I don't know how I'm going to live without electricity - or any other new form of energy that works the same way. Modern technology isn't an unnecessary evil. I think the current trend of purchasing modern technology to help with minimizing labour so we can pursue more leisurely things (or have time to learn more things) is a temporary trade-off while we work towards a place in human history where we can be completely free of manual labour and labour unsuited for us. A place in human history where our productive hours are used to specialize in what we do best with our creative minds. A place where we will ultimately be intellectually, emotionally and spiritually fulfilled. It is only when all our physiological and sense of safety needs have been met that we will automatically move up the Maslow's hierarchy, arriving at Self-Actualization. 

Technology creates new Time in our lives and new opportunities to learn other skills we could be humanly good at. This creates jobs and jobs creates functions in societies where people can discover ways of generating their value in tandem with existing technology. More time, less labour and more specialization will eventually lead to more freedom. When we discover and focus on what we do best and specialize in that and trade that value with others, we can have more of everything, including time. And this grand collective illussion we have, a system called "Money" makes all that possible.

I've spent all my life thinking money is a burden and leading an entrepreneurial life is copping out from living a highly spiritual, highly creative life that I desire. I falsely believed that the pursuit of material wealth and money degrades the purpose of our existence. I falsely believed a wholesale philosophy that you can have either money or happiness, but not both. But thanks to Kulananda and his book, I know that money simply makes you more of what you are - if you are a greedy and insensitive person, the pursuit of money simply makes you more of that kind of person. I think power works the same way too. Give a person power and you can see what they're really made of. I'd like to have both now, please, in huge quantities. It would be interesting to see how much good or damage I'd release into my world with the twin properties combined.

Why i want to sell Penang.

Because I love the food. And I want all my friends back.

I love almost everything about it, nevermind that it lacks the pace and energy of KL or NY and it lacks avenues to meet, mingle, socialise neither is it a hub for the arts, performance and music scene. (We do have that annual jazz festival thing though.)

I want to be able to not move to another country to live. I want to live in Penang. Everything is 15 minutes away! I have the beach, the hills, the parks, the heritage streets and buildings, the hotels, the wide variety of fabulous food, the cultural mix, the endless rows of stalls,etc. Did I mention the food? Penang is a great place to call home. I don't ever want to have to leave this all behind only to learn how to appreciate it. I don't want to be faced with the dilemma that what I have to offer is not marketable in Penang and made beneficial to Penangites while other people in other markets are willing to let me make a living being what I am capable of. 

I know I would suffer so much being separated from my beloved Penang food. I would plunge into depression living in another place where I know nothing of and where I cannot drive off on a fancy to get my favourite whatever I feel like eating. 

Yes, we often hear the phrase, "We can't have it all." But maybe it's time to ask, "Why not"? Culturally, historically, geographically, infrastructure for roads, buildings, good schools, business, low crime rate, creative and enterprising people, parks, hills, beaches, funicular train, esplanades, the sea, palm-lined beaches with golden sands, world-class hotels, research centres, universities, world-class medical care and most importantly, temples, mosques, churches, clan associations, kungfu and taichi, wushu and lion dance, apartments and bungalows, the birthplace of the fabulous nasi kandar, tons and tons of fabulous restaurants and value for money hawker fare...........we can't have it all, yes,  but we're almost there. We're a lot better off than Hiroshima post D-Day. The only thing separating us from that bullet-train nation is the Way We Think. You can't grow a limb, but you sure can change the way you think. And just because something is not easy doesn't make it valid to cop-out. One person, one thing, one corner at a time. 

I know the Umno-led government has put in place policies that has caused this mass exodus of creative and intellectual minds out of not only Penang, but Malaysia. But why is it that the good ones have to always be pushovers? Why are we letting dictators with a lesser conscience decide whether or not we can have a glorious living and retirement in Penang?

Before we sell Penang to the world (and when I mean sell, i don't mean sell-out) we have to sell our own people the idea that Penang is something to be proud of.

I want the good guys like you and me, to win for once. I want us hardworking, enterprising people to get the hands up this time. I want a Penang I can retire in, I can come back to. I want a Penang that utilises all the resources laid upon it; for tourism, for heritage, for a model cosmopolitan melting pot, the backdrop for creativity in literature, arts, performance and music. Wasn't P.Ramlee from Penang?

I want Penang to be the place every one wants to come to because it's the best bang for the buck within a thousand mile radius. Instead of experiencing either or, they can have it all;  hills, forests, beaches, orchards, culturally rich streets, hotels, heritage, local food, international food, history, education, environment, etc. Like a buffet, Penang is the best value for money you're going to get. 

I want Penang to be the IT (no, not I.T. but it) place. The it girl on the Peninsula Malaysian block. The it Girl for South East Asia! I want all my friends back. And I want Penang to be the one island where the good guys come together and push back - and we win. Since we're already half way there by getting a new government, we might as well go, as Ning Baizura puts it for THR 99.3 (in the Klang Valley) "Alllllll the wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy".

More than KL (which can survive on foreign investments flooding it as much as rainwater does), Penang is the canary in the cave for a 'Malaysia Boleh'. Because if anyone can, it IS Penang. 

Where does money come from?

It always seemed ludicrous to me that quite a lot of people daydream about stumbling upon a bagful of money or winning the lottery. Still many others dream of a huge inheritance from a relative they didn't know exist. We think the physical existence of money is the solution to everything. All of us are preoccupied with having more money, but  very few think about how money is made. 

Well of course it doesn't grow on trees. And if it were as simple as being printed off a machine with ink and paper, then counterfeiting money and circulating banana money around should not be a problem. 

Imagine in your mind - money. It's just a piece of paper, not that much different in physical nature from another piece you scribble numbers down on. A piece of RM50 is worth RM50 only because both you and I agree the value of it is exchangeable for RM50 worth of another value. The cost of minting coins, I think, will eventually outgrow the cost of printing a RM100 note as technology progresses. MONEY, after all, does not have value by itself. It's value is determined by a collective agreement on the value this coin or this piece of paper, represents. Money is essentially a denominator that is easy to carry around, is not easily perishable and is agreed to be valuable by a majority of people. The exchange of money is an exchange of value. 

And value is determined by the skill level, demand and supply of an economy. 

Money is a collective grand illussion that we all agreed to. We all agreed that this piece of paper or that is worth this or that amount. And we collectively agreed to it. It is not the money itself that will make you rich. It is your ability to generate valuable economic functions that determines the value of the economy you are in. That is the reason why printing your own money doesn't work. If you do not output value, the economy doesn't have a value. All the money you print and put into the economy, minus any value you contribute to society, simply makes counterfeit notes banana money.

The Banks and their various mechanisms determine the value of an economy and print the exchange medium (coins and notes) accordingly.

Now, how do we create value? Think back on the age of barter trading. Yes, it is as simple as that. You create a product of value that you can exchange with others for. The free or semi-controlled market forces  determines how much value you can exchange for it. I have 10 banana trees in my backyard and I don't feel like going bananas eating them everyday. I want some of that coconut that neighbour across the road has. I exchange a bunch of bananas (50 fingers?) for 5 coconuts. 

But we can't spend our entire lives harvesting and surviving. We have to specialise in what we do. An economy is nothing more complicated than the creation of ideas. I have 1 packet of koay teow, some tau eu, taugeh, spring onions, shrimp, etc. It can sit there and I  cook it for my family today. Or I could specialise in it and put an idea into it - those coals aren't going to fire themselves up, those oil and chili and tau eu aren't going to stir themselves. 

Do not underestimate the creativity of the human mind. Each of us are rewarded based on the product and service we bring into the market. Our rewards commensurate with 3 things : How skilled we are in producing the product/service, how much of our product and service we can market to people and how well we manage and duplicate the production of our product/sales. It all boils down to Coming up with an Idea and together with Possessing a Skill, Marketing them and Manage it.

Essentially, the more skills and ideas you have, the more value you can put into the economy. And the higher your individual skill level is, the more value you generate for other people. I also have to quote T.Harv Ecker when he says, "If you want to make ten times more money, help ten times more people with the value that you can create."

Of course we can argue that a lot of people who possess neither skills nor ideas nor management of these in desirable quantities get the cream of the economic crop. Well, the only reason they're there at the top of the economic food chain is because they possess information.

But do not despair. This is the age of Information Explosion. Knowledge is no longer the Exclusive of a few. When enough people focus on their abilities and start producing real value and real advantages, market forces would drive cronies out of business. In a perfect economy, the more knowledgeable and savvy  people become about their place in society and the economy, the lesser power the feudal lords of modern day have over us.

Money does solve a lot of problems. When you can generate more value per capita for yourself and your local economy, people who are taking free rides will start feeling the pressure amongst highly critical and highly productive people. With money in your hands, you can choose who you're going to give your business to. And you can choose to not give your business to people who are trying to take a free ride. 

The highest value you can exchange for, therefore, is the value of knowledge, the value of knowing how to think and evaluate, the value of knowing which information is relevant to you in this deluge of information we surrounded by. 

There are many problems in society to be solved - but it all starts with the minority who's ready to take a stand. 

The Biggest Sale in Penang

Penang is a great product that is short-selling itself. As a raised in Penang 30-something, I'm old enough to remember the days when we were not a place known merely for rat-infested streets and kiamsiap business people. 

I came back from a conversation with other 30-somethings. Penang needs a re-education about Herself. And I'm on a crusade to be as comprehensive a collection as possible on what Penang is all about. Even cattle gets branded better than Penang. We need the branding. 

Penang has a long heritage and history and a colourful culture - but whoever else is going to care about Penang if Penangites don't do it themselves? How can we sell Penang to the world when we can't even sell Penang to our own Penang people?

Thus, I'm going to start a personal crusade to launch the BIGGEST SALE IN PENANG. We're going to sell Penang to our own Penang people. We're going to collect all the value and information about Penang and package it in a way to make Penangites realize, that if they don't start taking pride in their own state, their own economy, we will fade to be a relic of the past and we will be shameless if we dared live in the glory of 'the old days'. Once the glory is gone, it's just gone. The last thing I would like to sound like is a person who lives in the reflected glory of days gone by. 

We must be aware, that there is a point of no return. There is no culture without people. And Penang is exporting Creativity like a neighbouring country is exporting maids and nurses. 

The Biggest Sale in Penang is going to happen. We are going to reclaim back Penang.