Am I cheap?

I feel sorry for my daughter sometimes - from the point of view of a child, I'm sending mixed messages. See, we were out 'furniture browsing' (for me) to get some ideas about my new office which I'm hoping to be able to move to by July. I didn't see any sofas I liked until I saw this particular one at arredo, the right height, design, fabric design, material ......and best of all, price. I have a particular design in mind and this was pretty close. The other choices available seemed to either make it look like someone's living room, lawyer's SOHO or cosmetic surgeon's waiting room. (Of which, you should know by now, I'm neither.)

So there I was sofa-scouting when I saw this couple who was giving the salesgirl a really hard time, kicking one particular sofa in a gesture of how little it's worth, saying it's an old display model from 4 years ago (Wow, they've been eyeing and tracking the movement of one particular sofa for 4 years?). The particular piece was already on sale price, from a high of $5,000 to the $2,000+ range. A part of me giggled, because I remember my brief experience with selling; customers like giving you a hard time. I think customers do that not because they're mean people, they just want YOU to solve for them all the doubts they have. They're just waiting for YOU to give them the excuse to buy, not personalising an attack against your job as a salesperson. Well, suffice to say, this is Penang, and Penang people are known to be shrewd in their financial transactions.

Anywho, I felt it was funny to (1) eye furniture for years, which proves you want it and then (2) acting like you really don't want it. I understand the psychology that you're supposed to act like you're not so into something, to tarik harga...but......

Then it occured to me that I do the same thing, with different products. Does that make me cheap too? There are certain things I never ask for a discount, things which add beauty and value in my life. I would never want to insult a designer or artist by asking for a discount on a piece of tailoring or art/photo or a discount on a haircut! I wouldn't go for a haircut at the cheapest place I could find. And if I'm quite happy and my neck isn't cramping by the time the hair-person is done, I think it's fair to leave a tip amounting to 20%, or at least, 10% of the price.

I don't think that means I'm 'trying to act like I'm rich'. There was this incident about 5 years ago at a birthday party for a friend's child. I had had a really great haircut which came with added-extras that provided that look and was complimented on it. Naturally, people ask me where I had my hair done and how much it was, so I said I had it done when I was on holiday in KL a few days before and it was about RM400 overall. I felt it was great value for money because I've never felt like a million bucks until that day. To spend RM400 and feel like a million bucks is a bargain, don't you think? (Especially if that's the day you were going to meet up with an ex-boyfriend and he goes,"WOW! Can I touch your hair!!" I thought that was pretty awesome.)

I didn't see it coming but I was attacked by the 3-4 Mdm.s sitting around me. The one who led the attack made sure everyone agreed with her how stupid I was to pay for getting my hair done of all places in Megamall. Her list of question included, "Were you aware of the price before you asked for a cut?"

"Yes, they have their list on the glass window"

"And did you ask for the extras?"

"Well,the guy convinced me with what he could do for my head shape, face shape, hair texture, the length I wanted, ..........and I agreed to the price."

"So, you allowed him to add one when you just wanted a haircut?"

"Yes, because that's why I pay for haircuts...coz these people are trained to know better than me what would look better on me. I don't even look at fashion magazines and I have completely no sense of style."

"So, what if you didn't have that amount of money in your wallet?"

"Errr....I think big salons in KL malls take card."

"But what if you were already overdrawn on your card?"

.....errr, in general I don't make it a habit to go to malls if my cards are overdrawn....in which case, I would have to tell the dude before he starts the extras that he's going to have to trust me to go down to the cash machine while the chemicals set in. Or...I could call my friend to come by and pay first, coz I was going to meet him for lunch,...errr"

I had no idea where the conversation was supposed to go. It's just a really nice haircut but I was getting a sort of lesson on frugality and multiple-choice questions about how I would pay for it. It didn't make sense because no one would ever go for something they don't think they can afford, or at least that's how I think when I was in my late 20s.

It wasn't until a good 4 years later that I understood where that all was coming from. After the incident, I never got invited by any of the Mdm.s anywhere, and these were people who had known me since I was a schoolgirl living on the same street. I found out from another friend who herself had chosen to disassociate from that group - apparently, these people were so deep in credit card debt they were borrowing six-figures from her or face declaring bankruptcy and running out of the country to escape loan-sharks. They weren't really talking to me, they were talking to what they thought was a version of themself who dug their own debt-ridden grave.

It took a few years to come out of my 'financial naivete' but I realized something now; people who hate other people for having money are people who have none. They want to punish other people who have cashflow because they don't and insulting is one way of doing that. They want to give salespeople and hairstylists a hard time because they are unwilling to part with their cash. They are unwilling to part with their cash because they have been smarter at spending than earning and completely incapable of leveraging their debt, allowing bad debt to snowball and control them instead.